THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
Episode 6 - Hard Times
In the previous episode; the group found Davy - a self-confessed great mechanic, cool dude and friend of Leroy. After the friendly reunion and mandatory teaching of the secret handshake, the team (now four members strong) almost died in a toilet and, after just making it out alive, found a garage where Davy proved that he is actually not a great mechanic after all - the team did get some gas for the ice-cream battle bus though which was definitely a bonus. Oh, and Davy got sick. But never mind all that because the team is back on the road and, good news, Calvin has spotted a sign stating that Canada is only ten days away - it's an odd way to measure distance, the number of days it will take to travel a certain distance seems pretty imprecise to the guys but, what do they know, onwards... to Canada!
The first event of the day is a neighbourhood containing a gun shop and a coffee shop (get your 'pick me up' and then let off some steam, shooting some dakka - sounds like a lucrative business venture). The team now face a choice; which place to loot? They can't go to both, that would be unthinkable so they way up the options. On the one hand, guns are cool, making the gun shop a highly scoring candidate, while, on the other hand, the coffee shop would almost certainly yeild a greater supply of scavengeable food, something the group badly needs as they only have enough for one more day. The answer is clear, the team must head for the coffee shop. Though, on second thought, guns are cool... No, no, no - stay on target, the team needs more food urgently - the coffee shop it is. That said, guns are cool. *facepalm*
On foot, in the area of the coffee shop, there are not many Zombies around. The houses are mainly blocked by the impenetrable rubbish the team have seen before, leaving only one house and the coffee shop enterable - a sign saying "Apocalypse Coffee" hangs above the entrance to the coffee vendor, instantly telling the group that the owners were the downbeat, 'the end is nigh' type. Upon stepping through the darkened maw of the shop, Leroy, Calvin, Davy and Ann are surprised to see very few Zombies roaming the small interior - it appears that the coffee business has dried up now that the dead are in town. The haul, however, is excellent, making up for today's disappointing lack of Zombie kills, food being grabbed by all. Leroy also finds a meat cleaver to replace his rusty machete that broke a few days back. The group snap a bad-ass team photo in celebration:
There are Zombies about, sure, but everyone needs coffee at some point
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
Returning to the battle bus, and not long after giving the instruction to 'FLOOR IT!', the team swerve to a stop - the road ahead is flooded. Davy gets really excited and starts chanting; "Jump it!", "Jump it!", "Jump it!". For once though, even Leroy recognises the stupidity of this plan. They take a detour instead, it costs them gas, a lot of gas - just how much makes them consider that hijacking the gas-guzzling ice-cream van for the long-distance journey ahead, may not have been the smartest idea, despite the fact that, as everyone knows, ice-cream vans are bulletproof. Still, the van is intact and Ann did not get wet; that's the number 1 rule of furry animal ownership - never, ever get water on them.
The flood behind them, the team set up camp around midday - there's steam or something coming from the bonnet of the battle bus which can't be good. They decide to give it a while; everything works better after a rest, right? Half an hour passes and, while Davy is out treading grass, he spots twelve cans sitting in a row on a wooden fence. The cans cry out in feeble voices - "Shoot me, shoot me" (yeah, okay, the cans did not actually speak, that would be stupid, but in Davy's mind, they were calling to him, plain as day). Davy tells the other guys about the ready-made shooting gallery and they unanimously decide to get some shooting practice - Texas style! Strangely, Ann is the best shot out of all of them, though giving a dog a gun, seems like a really risky endeavour right now - no one is being negative but common knowledge dictates that dogs and guns just don't go together (it's how the world works - don't judge). Second best is Leroy, god-forbid - he gets the cowboy rifle. The two noobs with no gun experience - Davy, only using the revolver as a club so far - each get a pistol. They each get four shots - no more, the ammo can't be spared.
Seven of the twelve cans go down, not a bad tally for novices. The group wanders back to the bus - Davy van Damme smack talking about his rad skills, holding the pistol sideways, all gangster, pretending to pop off shots while doing slow motion dives. Suddenly, and rather alarmingly, a strange old coot, straw hat and piece of hay in his mouth (the stereotypical type of isolated, hillbilly farmer from the dark ages) comes out from the bushes, hollering about his precious antique cans, running to the location of the downed tins, grouping them in his arms like tiny children. There's only one thing left to do. As our heroes speed away, Calvin leans out of the passenger seat window as they pass Scrooge and shouts "Haw haw" - can collecting is a stupid obsession for wussies, go out and kill some Zombies ya mook!
Old Joe - don't know if that was his name and don't care really - got his revenge though. Soon after leaving the can incident, the ice-cream battle bus completely runs out of gas, gliding to a stop. The group could try to push it along in the hopes of finding some life-saving car-juice further down the road - there is nowhere in sight that might have a substantial amount though so holding on to the out-of-action bus needlessly seems like a waste of time and energy. With heavy hearts, the stalwart four grab their gear and continue the journey to Canada on foot - Ann loves this.
RIP battle bus - we'll miss you :(
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
Three guys walking along the road are an easy target for bandits - Calvin knows this and, reluctantly, so do Leroy and Davy. Everyone is on their guard. Suddenly, a girl supporting an army helmet and shotgun, pops up from behind a bush - the gun pointed at Calvin's chest. Leroy raises his gun, a bead drawn on the lawless outlaw (he's getting the hang of this shooting stuff, he's even drawing beads now). Davy responds as well, gripping his trusty frying pan with deadly intent and a mean look on his face. The girl immediately apologises for the stick up - demanding the group's food, ammo and medical supplies before apologising again. Obviously, the group refuse and tank girl says that is too bad and that now she will have to kill them. Again, she apologises. The group can take her, she's just one girl, even if she does resemble a comic book character. However, two guys - big guys - charge in from the rear, coming out of nowhere. Davy thinks that one of them might be WWE star John Cena. Still, when the scuffle is over - something which happens embarrassingly quickly - it has left the group battered and bruised, half their supplies now gone adding insult to injury. They even hurt Ann - what kind of social ingrate hurts a dog! Grrr! At least no one was killed and enough medical supplies were left for Calvin to treat most of the team's injuries.
After taking a breather, the group realise that they have somehow managed to wander off the main road. Calvin climbs a nearby tree to get a higher vantage point but - almost inevitably given the group's current luck - falls, injuring his back even more (luckily, it's not severe) and, worse, hurting his feelings.
DIARY:
Leroy and Calvin's Excellent Adventure
DIARY WRITTEN BY:
ENTRY DESCRIPTION:
Let’s get back on the road with the next episode of this great adventure! This time; the troops debate the worth of guns versus coffee, they get some target practice, laugh at an old guy, lose their car and get beaten up. Oh, and Calvin falls out of a tree - which sucks.
DATE ENTRY UPLOADED:
15/01/2017