THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
Episode 5 - Here's Davy
Things have been getting busy for our, now quite seasoned, Zombie apocalypse survivalists. In the previous episode, the group came upon an ice-cream van, parked outside a cabin in the woods. Inside the decidedly not-haunted cabin was a treasure trove of goodies including guns, ammo and even a chainsaw. Ann managed to pilfer herself a femur from a skeleton, which, while not very helpful in the grand scheme of things, it made Ann feel a lot better about the end of civilization. Then, disaster struck as a devilish bee entered the van, while the van was being driven. Calvin worried that this was the end but brave and honorable Leroy heard the call to duty, saving the day by inadvertently trapping the bee with his mouth, receiving a nasty sting from the villainous cretin before it was sent packing. Leroy is dismal, his mouth is swollen, his words are mumbled, the situation is bleak.
From bad things, good things come - or however that saying goes. Not far down the road from the dreaded bee incident, the group spot a lone figure sitting on a swing set, just chillin', oblivious to the dead moaning in the distance. It's Davy - Leroy's friend -, another child of the God of Cool; a fact made clear by his Fonz haircut that went out of fashion in the 80s, ray-ban sunglasses and leather jacket. Davy, upon climbing aboard the ice-cream battle bus, immediately remarks on how awesome it is that Leroy and Calvin have matching sweaters - Calvin thinks that he is mocking them but what the hey, Leroy has cheered up and Davy is happy to go to Canada (who wouldn't be) so he lets it slide.
It's Davy!
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
Davy's a great mechanic - or so he says - and he certainly puts the effort in when the team pull over at the nearest Zombie-free area to rest. It's a junk shop so no useful loot around. However, there are lots of spare parts and the group stay up all night tinkering with random bits of metal and wire. Davy acts as tutor and by sunrise the guys have almost made a working drill as a bit of practice, "almost" because neither member could find a suitable battery to test it with but Davy says that it would probably work. He gives Leroy, Calvin and Ann kudos and the mighty four get back on the road.
Just before midday (the group assumes it's midday but the weather is miserable outside, having just rained pretty hard), the group spy a bookstore. There are Zombies about but, who cares, the group is three inexperienced kids and one stray dog strong, as well as an ice-cream van full of guns, frying pans, golf clubs and other assorted instruments of Zombie destruction - what could possibly happen? There is bound to be some real nice loot inside the fantabulous store, the team would not have spotted it otherwise. To be honest, fingers are getting itchy and those frying pans are looking mighty thumpy - everyone is fixing for a fight. Time to boogie!
The group fight their way inside the large store and disaster strikes almost immediately - Leroy's machete gets stuck in a Zombie's skull and breaks. Still, with both Davy and Calvin swinging, as well as Ann acting fierce, the group continues making claims and taking names (i.e. re-killing the dead). Plus, Leroy has two guns in tow, though he does take a worrying amount of damage while getting to an area clear enough to change weapons - the Zeds are massing around the bunched-up group. Luckily, there are plenty of shelving units forming isles, confusing the dweebish ghouls at the rear of the store, keeping the pack of heroes from being completely overrun by the dead. With no loot in sight in the main (and relatively expansive) storefront, the team head through the northern most door, hoping for some rich pickings. They find only dead. Walking dead, trying to bite their faces and gnaw on their bones, not dead dead, you know, the nice kind that just lie there motionless allowing you to scavenge in peace, not them. Leroy kites around the room - a substantial public toilet - but finds nothing. Re-grouping, the team tries to exit back to the main storefront and try another side room but the worthless dead are mindlessly groping through the door. Our heroes open fire and swing their pans but the rotters just keep coming, the hungry hands that already inhabited the corrupted bathroom, gathering from the rear. Davy remembers a scene from Planet Terror - the one where El-Wray tells Cherry Darling and the others the plan for how to hold off the infected; Mexico - put your backs to the ocean. The idea is set. He orders everybody to huddle up, backs to the wall and beat the holy hell out of any rotting meat bag that comes near - increasing his skill in inspirational speeches and impressing everyone with his coolness, even the Zombies would be impressed if they were capable of showing emotion.
Leroy learns something about himself during Toilet Wars - the name of this epic last-stand style battle, three friends and a cute-looking dog against hordes of bumbling undead. Leroy has learnt that he is a rubbish shot. Initially everything was going fine; between the flying bullets and whomping frying pans, the shuffling dead were being held at bay. However, their numbers, while thinning, were still great and as they break through the huddle, Leroy, Calvin and Davy start to panic - not Ann, never Ann, she stays strong and resolute throughout. The group loses sight of each other in the carnage of flying brains, severed eyeballs, gnashing teeth and damage numbers but, somehow, the team manages to pull through with no casualties. Without waiting for more than an instant following the victorious conclusion of Toilet Wars, our heroes, slick with sticky Zombie goo, exit the bathroom. The last room is checked; empty - a storage room devoid of goodies. The team leave the bookstore with nothing, other than shaken spirits and heavy heads - what a waste.
So much death... but in a good way
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
Next (there's always something happening on the road to Canada), the group roll up to a shiny car garage which looks free of infestation - in fact, it appears that the garage has been completely untouched by the apocalypse. Leroy states that the owner must have been one cool cat and that is why the place was spared the horrors of the undead though Calvin is not convinced that this is actually the reason the establishment was saved. In either case, the group needs rest and the untouched garage will do nicely - there is also beaucoup gas containers in a fenced storage area round back, which is, you know, nice. The ice-cream battle bus is in a pretty beat-up state - maybe Leroy should take Calvin's advice and not purposefully drive into Zombies, but then again, it is a lot of fun. Davy says that he can patch up the vehicle no problem, even get nitro boosters on there to make her super-slick, a bigger fuel tank for longer haulage and maybe a couple of pneumatic side blades for getting rid of unwanted hangers on - sorted. The team agree to wait a day; the others getting some much-needed R&R in the North American sun while Davy tinkers away occasionally shouting insane nonsense about kiro-flactors in the doo-hickey. Neither Leroy or Calvin has any knowledge of ice-cream vans (outside the mouth wateringly good ice-creams that come out of them) so just ignore Davy - it's fine, honest.
Well, as the early morning sun dawns on the garage, it is clear that things are, what's the best way to put this... not fine. Turns out, Davy is actually not as good a mechanic as he boasted, achieving precious little the whole of yesterday. Man, the ice-cream battle bus didn't even get the nitro boosters or killer side arms. Calvin and Ann really should be more upset about this but, whatever, it's coo' - the team got to chill out for a day during the Zombie apocalypse, spending the hot, late summer day in the best way possible. However, as the group are about to leave, siphoning off gas from the vehicles in the garage that will never see use again, Davy swallows a bit from the car he was assigned to, getting sick and, when the team eventually get back on the road, occasionally telling Leroy to pull over before hurling a lumpy yawn at the side of the road. This makes Davy sad. Conversely, and rather unsympathetically, everyone else becomes happier at Davy's misfortune.
To everyone else, Davy getting sick is hilarious
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
DIARY:
Leroy and Calvin's Excellent Adventure
DIARY WRITTEN BY:
ENTRY DESCRIPTION:
Welcome back to the excellent adventure to Canada! In this episode; the team of Zombie-beating bad-asses gets a new member, they engage in a bookstore brawl and tackle some DIY - what could possibly go wrong?
DATE ENTRY UPLOADED:
11/12/2016