THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
Episode 3 - Dog Days
Leroy and Calvin continue their bogus journey to Canada - the land no Zombie has even heard of. It's been a relaxed time so far but the action is heating up; the two now have a shotgun (Zombies beware), Leroy has a sore head after an unfortunate tooth pulling accident, they found a safehouse that turned out not to be so safe after all, and narrowly avoided a fight with Negan (it was not actually Negan).
This sure is a busy stretch of road - seems like everyone is trying for Canada, but no one wants to admit it. Leroy can’t blame them for trying, Canada is the greatest place ever, but as for the whole not wanting to tell anyone thing, that's just weird - if you were going to the coolest place in the world, wouldn’t you want to tell everyone straight away? However, at the trading camp the two lads find themselves in, no one is saying anything. That’s not all the bad news either; there's no one willing to trade gas for food and Calvin knows the car they found is quickly running out of “go juice”, being desperate to find more - so far, zippo. Leroy wonders if the world is becoming a Mad Max like state - dude, that would be so cool, driving weaponised vehicles with spikes sticking out of them, roaring around with no roads or law, wastin' inbred mutants and speaking like Australians all day!
In the fading moments of that dream, Leroy spots a guy with a tweaked-out minigun! I mean, this weapon is pimped to all Hell; it's got a flashlight attachment, a laser-sight, a scope, an under slung-magazine barrel for extra ammunition…. Leroy runs up to the fella, all excited, battling a coolness overload and fit to explode. Turns out Mrs. Gun - a purple-haired, middle-aged women stands by the doomsday weapon - is a gun trader, willing to part with a revolver, a long-shot cowboy rifle and a disappointingly unpimped shotgun, each for 5 food units. It takes all the effort he can muster but Leroy trudges away without buying anything - they don't really need any shootas right now and food, though the travellers have a not-too-shabby 23 units, is much more nutritious than bullets, even in the coolest of mouths.
The only other person offering trade is a rifle-wielding woman bearing no notable features whatsoever. She is offering long-shot training for food. Food, Leroy and Calvin are fast learning, is the new currency of the world. Calvin does not see what was wrong with the old currency but hey-ho, foodbanks are much easier to rob than actual banks.
It's a good deal - they could use some training because Calvin can guess that shooting at range and scoring a headshot against a walking corpse is not as easy as it is in the video games. Unfortunately, Leroy cannot guess this. Before Calvin can initiate the haggling process, Leroy politely informs the second Mrs. Gun to "say it, don't spray it". This, as it turns out, was rather rash.
Mrs. Gun II tells Mrs. Gun I and the third trader at the camp (let’s call him Bob), that Leroy is a "huge dingus", forcing the hapeless travellers back into their car and away from the trading post for good. Both Calvin and Leroy sit in silence, Calvin concentrating only on the road, more than slightly cheesed off with the irritating, smug brat riding shotgun - until something brilliant happens (brilliant for Leroy, only minorly pleasing for Calvin).
It's Ann! That's right - a dog called Ann.
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
Out of nowhere a stupidly named dog has turned up and is instantly accepted as part of the group. With the two adolescents up front and the dog in the back there's only one thing left to say; "Onward, to Canada!". This gets a cheery woof and tail-chase from Ann.
However, after about half an hour of driving, the cheery dudes, in the distance, straight ahead, see a huge city, smoke rising from the west as if a massive wildfire has stormed through the area and now moves eastward. Calvin studies the map in panic - this is bad! There is no way around, the road trailing through the smouldering city is the only road that goes to Canada - extremely poor town planning, if only someone had foreseen the rising dead, raging, uncontrollable wildfires and the desperate need to get to Canada they surely would have made clearly signposted, alternative routes. The three will need to go through the burned city and risk it all or ditch the car and hike around the hellish urban sprawl in uncharted, undead, lands, adding days to their journey. They decide to brave it…
This may have been a really bad idea - even Leroy remarks on how uncool the situation is. The city is teeming with dead guys; milling about like crazed tourists, blocking the road with the sheer mass of their bodies. The group can't go forward, death almost a certainty, and they can't go back, less they risk other kids calling them "chickens" - a fate worse than death for the ultra-cool. There is a sewer entrance nearby, with a little luck it will lead to the other side of the city or, at least, away from their current location. The three abandon the car, grabbing all the supplies they can and make a dash for the manhole. Ann puts up a fuss but Leroy does not care what she smells - with the hungry dead already approaching, there is no other way than to descend into the smelly, dark, damp void of the sewers. Calvin goes first, his rad pink-hair will act as a beacon for the others.
Glowing ladders always lead to good things
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
It's horrible, it's icky and it smells like walking through a cloud of fart - it also has Zombies in it, adding their assorted features to the mix - but the group find the way out without too much trouble. Nothing is looted, there is nothing worth taking in the festering tunnels below ground and, even if the weary adventurers did find something of note, carrying space is limited. The sewers take them right under the horde, the exit popping them out towards the less populated far end of no-name city. Leroy, a disciple of the Gods of Cool, even manages to find a working vehicle among the wrecked husks; it hasn't got a lot of gas left and it looks decidedly beat up - it'll do for now though. The dream of Canada is not dead! They vow that the quest for the holy land will never die while at least one of them still draws breath. Ann woofs excitedly, a strange pale, gold glow surrounding her fur-covered body, disappearing moments later - she's getting better at this survival malarkey and has “levelled up”.
Those Zombies have met their match now
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
DIARY:
Leroy and Calvin's Excellent Adventure
DIARY WRITTEN BY:
ENTRY DESCRIPTION:
The third episode in Leroy and Calvin’s Excellent Adventure sees our boys recover from the potential disaster during episode two. There is some further disappointment initially - only partially Leroy’s fault - but this is soon replaced by unbridled optimism. Things turn dark again however, as the group face their toughest challenge to date.
DATE ENTRY UPLOADED:
23/10/2016