THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
Episode 1 - Onward to Canada!
Oh no guys - the dead are coming back to life and eating everyone!
In some terrible and unexplained event, Zombies have been let loose upon our great American nation and in an incalculable amount of time the vengeful corpses have killed and eaten almost everybody. Doom has come for the world and, who knew, it came from the good ol' US of A - Donald Trump has not even been elected yet either! Alternatively, if you are reading this diary episode after the 2016 elections and Donald Trump was indeed elected, the Zombie uprising is probably all his fault but whatever, right? Sometimes mistakes happen, you can't dwell on these things, move on with your life; it's a brave new world out there, a world full of unparalleled opportunity for the forwarding thinking, a world full of danger, risk and reward, a world where, if you don't shoot your neighbours quick enough, they're probably going to eat you.
Down south in Florida, chillin' by the bayou, two kids are stuck in this nightmarish land and don't fancy being chewed on by dead people. Leroy, the irritating dog-lover who thinks he is the coolest thing ever and his pink-haired, pink-bearded medic friend, Calvin, are hatching a plan to stay alive - they'll drive to Canada! It's cold in the North and the walking dead will freeze and stuff, which will be like "DUDE, this is so totally rad". Naturally, this is Leroy's idea - only a mind of sufficient coolness could form such a groovy plan. The more practical Calvin has his doubts but as long as it does not mess up his hair, anywhere is better than where they are at the moment - the mosquitoes in Florida are a nightmare!
Leroy, armed with an old walking stick and Calvin, nabbing a frying pan, find an abandoned car with the keys still in the ignition and head off, a grand adventure awaits. Zombies, you have been warned…
Zombies are going to die ... again!
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
The group of two has been on the road for about seven minutes when they spot a promising looking target. There is a run-down factory near the highway which looks prime for looting and, as a bonus, there are not many shuffling, swaying Zombies about - the group does not really need any more supplies right now but that's what people do in a Zombie apocalypse, loot stuff, ya dig? Leroy and Calvin drive up, purposefully running over a mindless ghoul as they pull to a stop because he probably deserved it. The other Zombies look all riled up, not super angry but definitely not happy campers. Who knows what has got them down, maybe they are just cross about being dead, maybe they are annoyed their comrade is now smeared on the tarmac or maybe they just don't like factories (can't blame them really). However, with a cry of "Let's Boogie!", the two lads bounce out of the car, weapons in hand, ready to smash some heads.
After some running about though, the place is disappointingly empty. 1 unit of gas was found, some food, a short metal pipe to replace Leroy's wooden cane and, bizarrely, two golf clubs were the only notable finds (maybe the factory was leased out as a crazy golf park in better times). Oh yeah - Leroy found a grenade too, a proper 'pineapple' as seen in the movies. Calvin really wants to take it away from the reckless boy but whenever he tries, Leroy just tells him to "cool it".
Back on the road, the dudes come across a campsite, although Calvin insists it be called a motor arcade due to the large number of cars and RVs parked there. Whatever it is, there are quite a few people around, more than either of the guys have seen in an immeasurably long time. It does not appear as though any of them are part of a convoy to Canada but Leroy tries not to hold that against them - they can't all be as totally cool as he is. The two decide to stay there for a while, after all Calvin has seen loads of Zombie movies, knowing of no examples where complete strangers are not 100% trustworthy - the Zombies are the monsters in these situations.
Some of the strangers learn about the trip to Canada (the holiest of lands) and simply offer Leroy and Calvin loads of really cool supplies without even being asked, saying that the travellers will need them more than they will. They generously donate pistol ammo, rifle ammo and shotgun ammo both making Calvin and Leroy super happy as well as sowing a worrying seed of doubt as to just why they think the boys will need that much ammunition.
Was the skeleton photo really necessary?
© Screenshot from Death Road to Canada
DIARY:
Leroy and Calvin's Excellent Adventure
DIARY WRITTEN BY:
ENTRY DESCRIPTION:
In this episode, our heroes; formulate a plan, steal a car, visit a factory, see some Zombies and trust complete strangers. The journey begins!
DATE ENTRY UPLOADED:
11/09/2016