THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
The Zombie Giftocalypse IX
Many wonderous curses of the season be upon you, creatures of horror as, once again, the darker hours grow quick and that most dreaded day, a day of undead celebration, rears it's misshapen, mutated, decaying head; Christmas. As customary for this hall of maggots I call The Dead Times, 10 of the most fiendish, most sinister Zombie gifts around shall be listed for approval by envious eyes. The items have had no mention in this fabled website before, to keep things mortifyingly fresh.
1. 3D Printed Mr. X statue
While this is not actually a statue of a Zombie, it is still very Zombie related; Mr. X is the Tyrant engineered by the evil Umbrella Company and dispatched to Raccoon City to recover a sample of the G-virus - a more aggressive strain of the T-virus - during the events of Resident Evil 2. This statue sports some amazing detail, and is hand painted.
2. The Walking Dead: Zombie Biter action figure
This well-detailed Zombie figure is decidedly gruesome with his blood-stained clothes, gloopy fingers and insidious face. As this Zombie's screen appearance - way back in season 1 of The Walking Dead - saw the hapless fellow munching on a deer carcass, the figure comes with a disgusting slither of plastic dead meat.
3. The Walking Dead: Bicycle Girl Zombie Funko POP! Figure
To be honest, I'm not usually a fan of Funko POP! Figures with their disproportionally large heads on small bodies. However, for some strange reason known only to the putrid gods of the underworld, I find myself drawn to this filthy figurine. I love the blank white eyes and sunken, dirt-encrusted features. The fact that it is only half a figure; a Zombie dragger, decapitated at the waist and pulling itself along the ground with undead arms is a neat, seldom-seen, feature. Add to that the fact that 'Bicycle Girl' was one of the first Zombies shown in The Walking Dead TV series and purchasing this nasty model becomes a no-brainer.
4. Rise of the Dead
On the surface, this book sounds like your fairly typical Zombie novel; man lives mundane life, Zombies rise and everything is turned into a battle for survival. Then later, this man must team up with other apocalypse survivors and, although from completely different backgrounds, they must learn to work together to avoid becoming Zombie food - again, this is nothing different to the norm. However, what draws me to this book is the title, suggesting that the events take place at the very start of a Zombie outbreak which is always an interesting story prospect, and the fact that the writer is inspired by "the Romero classic films".
5. AFTER Life: Inferno
The synopsis of this novel - penned in 2018 - sounds an awful lot like the plot of the latest James Bond movie; No Time To Die. AFTER is an engineered biomedical virus created to save the human race, but, when weaponised, it becomes a deadly threat, capable of starting (and ending) wars. Anyone who comes into contact with this technological nightmare is transformed into a rampaging killer of Zombie-like proportions. For now the virus is contained within the research lab that bore it but it is spreading, it wants to get out, to be free, to infect more hapless victims and the sanitised walls of the lab cannot hold it forever. Task Force Officer Daniel Harmon has only one job; stop the breach.
6. The war against them poster
I love this poster of a scene from a fictional war between humans and Zombies. I adore the whole creepy atmosphere created by distant sunlight struggling to be seen behind the harsh black smoke of war, combined with the sparse trees, framing the image and eerily blacked-out Zombies - approaching as mere silhouettes against the bright light of the sun. I also can't get enough of the small details; the helicopter in the distance, lowering a soldier on a rappel line and the difficult to spot Apache gunship whirling up above.
7. Retro 'Zombie Worlds' poster
This is another great poster and actually relates to a real thing. In 2019, NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) shone fiendish new light on three of the first ever exoplanets found outside our solar system. The two planets - Phobetor and Draugr - orbit around a Pulsar known as PSR B1257+12 (Poltergeist for you non-robotic fellows), bombarding them with lethal radiation at a disturbing frequency. According to NASA, "Nothing but the undead can subsist in this most inhospitable corner of the galaxy" - the existence of mutant space Zombies has been confirmed!
8. Dawn of the Dead sweatshirt
This sweatshirt proudly sports the logo of the legendary Zombie movie Dawn of the Dead. Go on, show your appreciation for one of the classics.
9. House of the Dead T-shirt
Go back to the beginning with this The House of the Dead t-shirt and bring nostalgic memories to all puny mortals who gaze upon your triumphant visage by showing your undying love for the best arcade shooter to involve Zombies.
10. Monroeville Observer Newspaper print
This awesome info-poster is a mock-up front-cover of a fictional newspaper covering the events of George Romero's classic, Dawn of the Dead. The page features adverts - relevant to the film -, outrageous news headlines written in the old 'over sensationalised' way, a lovingly realistic newspaper-like layout, and a brief list of emergency shelters - all no doubt outdated. I, honestly, can think of no better gift for the hardcore Zombie fan.
Bonus Item: 'I wanted Zombies!' facemask
With a new variant of the extremely annoying coronavirus rearing its maggot-encrusted head in the UK, facemasks are still very much recommended (and mandatory again in some areas). This ghoulish garment shows, not only how much of a diehard Zombie fan you are (and by implication, a great person) but also how freakin' angry you are with this wretched virus! At least give us Zombies to marvel at from a safe distance, just something cool to alleviate the ever-present spectre of death.
DESCRIPTION:
'Tis the season to bring a dying tree into your house and surround its base with coffin-like boxes, their contents waiting to be exhumed. For an incredible ninth time, I have scoured the technological devilry known as the Internet and sourced a list of ten delightfully mischievous gifts for those boxes of dread. Oooh, my putrefying bones tingle with excitement for the unearthly horrors that await, just out of sight.
CATEGORY:
The Zombie Giftocalypse
WRITTEN BY:
DATE UPLOADED:
05/12/2021