THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
The Zombie Giftocalypse VII
It's that time of year again my ghoulish brethren - the time of Christmas, of magic, of present giving and sweet cheer but, as your bring that cut and dying tree into your house, wrapped boxes beneath with treasure inside like well-worn coffins, their occupants trapped inside, spare a thought for the dead; no one brings them gifts or celebrates their rise! As usual, I have trawled the Internet, scoured the Web, traversed its many cables of information interchange and gathered up a list of fiendishly good objects of Zombified sin for those freak-lovers close to your warm, beating heart. The same rules apply, 10 gifts that have not been mentioned on The Dead Times before.
1. Left 4 Dead 2: Tank Statue
Link: https://www.gamingheads.com/left-4-dead2-tank-statue.html
Thrilling co-operative Zombie-hunting game Left 4 Dead 2 is celebrating its 10-year anniversary this year so why not show your appreciation of Valve's masterpiece by gifting this epic statue of a Tank; one of the game's special infected. I love how they have captured the detail in this piece - the blue veins, the withered skin stretched tightly over mutated arms, the luminous green eyes, the small legs that seem at odds with the heavily muscled body... I even love the detail on the model's base showing the collapsed door of a, so-called, 'safehouse'.
2. Outpost H311
Nazis and Zombies are often bundled into the same "bad guy" group; they share so much in common that it's hard to consider one without the other. Partly, I think this is because they are (or were) the only real global threats; both parties strove to or, in the case of Zombies, may, take over the entire world. It also helped that Mr. Hitler - the main foe in the Nazi party - had a likening for the occult and actually had teams that would, fruitlessly, pursue such dark areas. This book fictionalises a secret experimental bunker on a secluded island in the Arctic circle (I adore horror tales set in bleak, cold, inhospitable environs) used by the Nazis for research into paranormal activity. An oil exploration team crash-lands on the island and, in a desperate struggle to not only stay alive but also to escape the dreaded island, they realise something is hunting them, something altogether not human. The addition of Zombified Nazi Soldiers running rampage only makes matters worse.
3. Faster, Stronger, Deader - Augmented: A Post-Apocalyptic Techno-Thriller Zombie Series - Book 1
I'm really liking the sound of this book that takes the Zombie genre, biting and clawing, into the future. In a world where everyone is given the chance of getting "Augmented", their bodies enhanced via biological or technological improvements, the idea that one day these personal enhancements could turn you into a ravenous, brain-eating Zombie is very awesome - and sort-of topical as the human race embraces the nano-bot era. The "Zombies" in this book are promised to be a little different to Romero's old-school shamblers, and while I do love to read about the relentless aggression of the slow-moving horrors, it is nice to see a futuristic take on the concept of undeath.
4. It Stains the Sands Red
This low-budget horror movie captured my attention the moment I heard about it, though it has been a nightmare to find anyone selling a Region 2 copy of it. It features just one Zombie chasing a girl whose car has brokendown while travelling through the wide, flat desert. That may sound boring but just think about it; how do you get away? There is nothing out in the featureless desert to distract the Zombie - he has one goal, to get meat, and that's the girl, there is no one else around. The girl will get tired, she will have to rest, the Zombie will not, the Zombie is relentless. The girl will have to take shelter from the elements - the scorching day, the freezing night -, the Zombie cares nothing for these material things. What originally seemed simple and boring, is likely, anything but.
5. Dawn of the Dead - Gunners Den t-shirt
Dawn of the Dead - the 1978 original, not the 2004 remake - is perhaps the most famous Zombie-film ever made. Much of the George Romero directed follow-up to Night of the Living Dead was shot in the very real Monroeville shopping mall in Pennsylvania. This amazing t-shirt commemorates that fact, advertising the mythical "Gunners Den" gun store - the first place any budding survivalist should visit upon entering the famed establishment.
6. Mr. Zombie t-shirt
Link: https://eztees.co.uk/mr-zombie-t-shirt-10647-p.asp
This t-shirt is great; it's very simple design of a fabled 'Mr. Zombie' from the infamous 'Mr. Men' series of children's cartoons is simply to die for. It gives me the impression of what would happen if some nefarious personage injected the Zombie virus into a pea - an extremely pointless operation but definitely a humorous one.
7. Resident Evil iconic Zombie poster
Link: https://www.ukposters.co.uk/plastic-frame-resident-evil-zombie-v32996
The moment when you first encounter a Zombie in video game Resident Evil is unforgettable. You turn a corner, your view cleverly obscured by the fixed camera-angle, the screen zooms in on a horrific and strange sight, a man is hunched over something long and clothed, possibly a corpse. Your attention however is on the hunched man, moving oddly as if tugging at something with his mouth. Suddenly, the hunched man becomes aware of your presence, slowly, painfully turning his head to reveal a sight of true dread. His face is ruined, flesh from the thing you now know to be a corpse, drips from his teeth, making horrible sounds as it impacts the floor in a wet, congealed mess. His eyes are clouded and dead, as vacant as his soul. This is no man, no living being, but a Zombie; a corpse re-animated by some unspeakable process, a mindless shell with no desire or emotion, no sense of reason or remorse, no ability to feel pain, a vile biological automaton, driven only by the basest of needs... the need, to feed.
Relive this gruesome moment everyday by gifting this framed poster of that iconic moment from the game that brought Zombies into the minds of gamers everywhere and spawned a franchise so big and vast, that still continues to this day.
8. Resident Evil 2 - Heroes poster
Link: https://www.ukposters.co.uk/plastic-frame-resident-evil-2-rain-key-art-v53316
The long-awaited remake of Resident Evil 2 was finally released this year and it would be unthinkable not to reference it in some way. This stunning framed poster features Leon and Claire, our two heroes, standing back-to-back in a rain-drenched Racoon City. This is a must for fans of the game!
9. The Ultimate Zombies 3-movie boxset
Link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Zombies-Box-Set-DVD/dp/B012DB6URU
Aren't Zombies great? I mean, the actual dead coming back to life and devouring the living - the living doing their best to stop the unspeakable hordes by shooting them in the head, panicking when they run out of ammunition and then scrambling around to get their hands on anything they can use as a weapon; there is no denying that this creates for some entertainingly chaotic action. Sometimes you just want that buzz; to watch that chaos unfold before your eyes in the safety and warmth of your own home. The three movies in this boxset, individually, all have average scores - I do not expect any of them to be legendary or ground-breaking and, sometimes, plain Zombie fun is all you need.
10. Zombies on the Street poster
Link: https://www.ukposters.co.uk/several-zombie-on-the-street-at-night-f109087396
I've taken an otherworldly shine to "stylistic" Zombie posters this year and this poster is undoubtably "pretty cool". A car sits motionless, perhaps wrecked, perhaps not, waiting on the weed-overgrown tarmac. Streetlights blast out their orange light, electrical guidance to dispel the dark and reassure the humans. Meanwhile, black shapes roam the land, dirty, blotched silhouettes against the pristine, life-giving glow of human invention. The figure, the shapes, the Zombies will wander aimlessly round and round the car as if protecting some vital treasure which they do not remember - continuing forever, locked in an endless cycle, an invisible prison, until someone, some foolish passer-by strays too close, and sets them free.
DESCRIPTION:
Christmas 2019 is on its way folks and the usual assortment of ghouls, goblins and ghosties will be heading back to their tombs for the festivities - that is, before the SLAY ride begins anew next year. As usual for this season, I have trawled that magical collection of wires and Voodoo mysteries called the world wide web for Zombie gifts of such memorising quality, they could cause even the restful dead to stir. Contained within this freakish article of doom and good tidings in equal measure is a list of ten of those ghoulishly good items to sink your teeth into.
CATEGORY:
The Zombie Giftocalypse
WRITTEN BY:
DATE UPLOADED:
24/11/2019