Zombie apocalypse preppers are murderers

There are those among us who believe, truly believe, down to their very bones, in the end times - judgement day: the day in which trumpets sound and catastrophic events are set in motion that will decimate man-kind. As such, a sort of cult has sprung up all over the world (though, primarily in North America); a following where members take drastic precautions right now in preparation for these future disasters of biblical proportion. These so-called "preppers" can go to extreme lengths; hording food, stocking up on essentials, even building concrete bunkers below ground to sustain life in event of surface devastation. Now, personally I think this is a bit of overkill, investing so much time and money into future scenarios which may never actually happen is irrational. However, as the saying goes; preparedness is all and the practice is not entirely without merit - should the biblical events the most far out preppers prepare for occur in our lifetime, I am under no illusion who will be having the last laugh. Still, regardless of my views on the subject, I have let my mind wander through the stark halls of this fetid Survivalism cult and, through no real research what so ever, have come to a shocking and beholden conclusion: all Zombie apocalypse preppers are basically just murderers.

You see, preppers prepare for anything - you can bet that an outbreak of the living dead is somewhere on the list. Most people obsessed with the undead ghouls have some sort of loose survival plan - it has become a bit of a game to come up with a "Zombie Escape Strategy". Some people may go further; packing a full bug-out bag, stocked with survival equipment and limited rations, leaving it someplace accessible for that fateful day. Well-meaning advocates might take things to the next level; planning evacuation routes and physically scouting out possible 'safe-haven' stop off points along the way. However, those extreme few, the real preppers who have money to burn and land to fill, will go to absurd lengths to try an guarantee survival; building bunkers, buying and maintaining weapons, undergoing regular training and so on - it's these 'all in' individuals which you have to watch out for because, even before the dead rise up to take the world from the living, there are still monsters to fear.

Zombies are monsters, just not the only ones

© EastCoastStories

Case 1: Bunker builders

Ok, so imagine that I'm so absolutely, 100% sure that the dead are going to rise - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday in the near future - I've splashed out on the construction of a survivalist bunker. Who knows, maybe I bought the materials years ago and have just finished building it myself or maybe I bought an abandoned World War 2 one and refurbished it - either way, a significant investment of time and/or money has gone in to this project and I'm now seeing the results. It's going to be so cool; I've got weapons in there, non-perishable food items, water barrels for collecting rain water, sleeping areas, generators, a waste-disposal system, stacks of water-purification tablets - the works. Then suppose that the Zombie apocalypse doesn't happen - the dead don't rise. It's okay, it's okay - no biggie. The undead have to pop up sooner or later - there is even a scientifically-funded project to "bring the dead back to life" in America right now (no joke) and if even that does not cause the end times, there are plenty of other problems out there that could resurrect the hungry dead. Trust me... Zombies... going to happen any day now.

The next day passes, and then the next, and then the next. Now, you are starting to get old - not ancient and feeble but old enough to know your prime is well and truly over - and still the dead remain in their tombs. Suddenly, and it comes at you like a kick in the nuts, you realise that the survival bunker you spent all that time and money on is useless - the dead are not coming. Ok, you got family though, they could use it after you are dead and gone. That's true but considering you blew thousands of hard-earned dollars on a fully furnished survival bunker, and still spend thousands maintaining it for a day that is looking increasingly likely will never come, they are probably not going to stick around very long - even if, by some miracle, they have not already left. You then start wondering about your life, as the old do, what was it for; if your legacy was to guarantee the safety of those who can now not be saved, as there is no danger from which they need to be saved, what was the reason for that legacy? Their needs to be a reason, everything needs a reason in our modern world - sure, the intended reason does not exist anymore but there can still be a reason, not the correct one but a purpose to give your expenditure point, to not make you look stupid, to "forgive" you - and that reason... is murder.

"Two men enter, one man leaves"

© How To Kill Zombies

Take 10 Cloverfield Lane as an example. In this film, a woman named Michelle is in a car accident but is rescued by elderly apocalypse prepper and conspiracy theory nut, Howard. Howard takes Michelle to his purpose-built survival shelter, claiming that there has been a chemical weapon attack and that the outside air is now poisonous - effectively making her a hostage inside the well-stocked underground bunker. Of course, as the show goes on, it turns out that Howard actually caused Michelle's car crash, the outside air is not toxic (although there has been an attack) and he has actually, very probably, murdered somebody in his bunker before - having no qualms about killing Michelle or the other "rescued" bunker-inhabitant if they try to escape.

While this is obviously just made for entertainment, it does prove my point. Howard went to all that trouble of creating the perfect, air-tight, survival shelter and, as time went on, with no apocalypse in sight, he decided to use that bunker for the murder of his wayward daughter. It's the perfect place to commit such a crime - there is no possibility of any witnesses, no one to get in the way and, if the police do not know about the bunker, why would they search it.

Case 2: Coolness

Let's face it, in some way, in some morbid and curious fashion, we all look forward to a Zombie apocalypse. Maybe it's just to be proved right; that the dead can walk. Maybe it's just something you think would be "cool"; movies and video games are always portraying these events with bad-ass heroes, often limitless ammunition, a lawless society where people can, quite literally, do whatever they want and the unknown warriors of everyday life triumphing above the trained professionals, taking back power and providing hope of a better future. Boiling this down, you are left with one stark truth: 'Anyone who is excited for a Zombie apocalypse just wants to kill people without consequence'.

Wishing for a Zombie apocalypse is a stupid idea

© Social Smiling

Think of it; all Zombies really are is shuffling bags of meat - you kill them or they kill you, end of story. However, all Zombies are people, or rather they were people until they became infected with whatever agent caused them to turn - they still, for the most part, look like you or me (in fact, given enough make-up, and a small amount of training, a human can appear to be a Zombie - I know, I've done it). If someone is "looking forward" to the prospect of killing 'things that look just like people, it's not a huge stretch of the imagination to interpret these ruffians as simply looking forward to kill people and, if someone is excited by the prospect of killing people, I would strongly suggest you avoid those people. The only thing stopping them from killing right now is fear - the fear of going to prison, the fear of a permanent criminal record, the fear of retribution, of judgement - take that fear away and... well, there will be blood.

You may say that this is all poppycock, wanting to kill Zombies cannot be compared to wanting to kill living people. Unfortunately though, a Zombie apocalypse will not just bring out the recently dead, law and order will collapse and with it, survivors will be left to fend for themselves - no standard food rations, no government to keep the peace, no 'stay low and wait for a rescue' option, etc.. While this does not necessarily mean that human decency will go out the window but consider this: when your very life is at stake, would you not do whatever it took to keep breathing? If you would stop at killing innocent people, can you assume those innocent people feel the same way and won't kill you?

Trust me, anyone getting ready for the Zombie apocalypse is, at best, a shady character and, at worst, a murderer. Still, what do I know - I've only spent the majority of my life thinking about all things Zombie. Have your say down below and prove me wrong, or agree with me, it's all good.


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The Dead Times © Tom Clark 2013 onwards

'Universal Fruitcake' font sourced from


The Dead Times © Tom Clark 2013 onwards

Made with Kompozer

'Universal Fruitcake' font sourced from